Pushing the Limit

 

 Brace yourself...this may be a long one.

Fall is in the air. Growing up, I hated fall because it meant the onset of cold weather and school. But as an adult, I finally understand why Fall is some people's favorite season. It is quickly become mine. The air is crisp, there is pumpkin flavored everything, and the humidity has disappeared. But on the flip side, the days are getting shorter, the mornings and evenings are getting colder which makes working out outside much more difficult.

Last week, the hubs and I "cashed" in our Groupon and started our month of bootcamp.  It had been over a month since we had done any strength training so the first day was rougher than I imagined. My muscles forgot how to do push-ups, sit-ups, and everything other than standing and walking (and even then it got shaky). After day 1, I could barely walk, sit, or breathe without experiencing any pain. After days 2 and 3, all my movement was severely limited. After day 3, I was glad to take a break. We took lots of walks (and even a short hike) in the following days.

Yesterday, we got back to bootcamp. We did lots of leg workouts but my since my muscles were awaken from their deep slumber, the soreness today is bearable. But today's workout was really pushed me past my limits. Today was our first run day. I had a feeling it was coming but I was not mentally prepared for the amount of running I had in store. When we first started, I imagined that we would run and then loop back to our starting point i.e. run in a full circle. I thought we'd run maybe 2.5 miles and then do something else. I was really wrong. We ran and ran and ran until I thought my legs would give out. THEN the instructor told me "OK, turn around and run back." EEK! By the time he told me to run back, I had done over 2 miles and my feet were killing me. But I ran more than I ever thought I could. I am really proud of myself. I think I ran close to 4 miles and walked about 1. The idea of running with a pack really does help me push through the pain that courses through my body and just push on. But I know tomorrow my legs are going to punish me for working them so hard.

As if the workouts weren't enough of a challenge, Jay and I have decided to make a change to our diet. Despite the warnings advice from my co-workers, we are trying to go gluten free (at least for this week). We started yesterday and I'm already ready to quit. It's amazing how difficult it is to cut out gluten. It's hidden in places I would have never imagined. After our workout yesterday, we got finished late and were starving so we went to PF Changs. We asked them if they had a gluten free menu and the cashier handed over a menu the size of an index card. Their gluten free menu literally had only 6 dishes listed! While it's really hard, I know it'll be worth the struggle. I don't think I could do it forever, but I think it'll really push me to be more aware of what I'm putting into my body.

OK, it's late, my muscles ache and my eyes are getting heavy....good night!

 

Run Bunny Run!

I. AM. EXHAUSTED.

Funny considering I'm writing this entry at 11:30 pm. I probably should be sleeping but I'm too tired to fall asleep now. I was falling asleep all day and tried refueling with caffeine. Now that I can lay in bed, I'm can't fall asleep. Go figure.Warning: this may be a long one and I apologize if it doesn't make sense...

Well, I am happy to report that I can finally cross off a goal from my list. Back in June, I signed up Jay and myself for a 5K, thinking we had plenty of time to train. We did have enough time but didn't really make the time to actually train for it. As the 5K approached, we would sporadically go for a "run" but didn't clock our time or pay close attention to our pace.

Let me preface by saying that on Thursday, I took a Body Combat class at the gym. It fulfilled my goal of one new workout a month. It was fun - martial arts and kickboxing. We did a ton of kicks and punches. As a result, my body felt pretty beat up yesterday and stiff this morning. So I was nervous that I may not have been able to finish the race. But I sucked it up and at 8 AM we gathered around the starting line and went for it.

My ultimate goal was not just to finish, but to not finish dead last. Luckily, I beat that goal :-P Jay and I started running for as long as we could - we got about .7 mile before we started to walk. May not sound like much but when we run on the track, we're tired after .25 mile. We would walk a little and then run again. I would say, we ran at least 1.5-2 miles, more than I've ever run in one go. When we first started thinking about running a 5k (earlier this year or sometime last year) my goal was to run it in 40 mins. Today, I crossed the finish line at 40 mins and 33 seconds. I know it's slow but I ran so much more than I thought I could.

Ultimately, I'm really proud of myself (and Jay). I'm so happy we decided to do it and actually followed through with it. At the end, my shins were killing me, my feet were dead, and my legs felt like jelly. And even though I still don't love running, I fully plan on doing another 5K in the future.

Busted Can of Biscuits

Wow, I don't think I could have found a more perfect picture for today's blog post! Although I wouldn't say "skinny"...

OK, is it seriously almost September?! Where the heck did summer go? Where the heck has this year gone for that matter? Yikes. This month started off really great but is ending not so hot (in the general health area).

For the first two weeks of August, I was doing AWESOME. Jay and I used our LivingSocial voucher for one month of unlimited Bikram classes. The first class was rough, really rough. I wanted to run out of the class and never look back. It was hotter than I had anticipated and even though the moves weren't more difficult than the Vinyasa yoga I've done in the past, I had a hard time completing each move. It didn't help that the first class we took was with a seemingly nice (outside of class) but Nazi instructor. But we perservered and for the first 2 weeks of August, we went 4-5 times a week. I wasn't losing a lot of lbs but was feeling great and my clothes fit better.  I was also feeling more rested, calm, and centered.

Then Jay and  I decided to "buy" a townhouse condo. We put down a contract on some new construction and it was accepted! So for the last 2 weeks we've been busy with work and appointments with our realtor, the design center, and the sales people for the condo. While I'm excited about the prospect of homeownership, all the stress is starting to take its toll. My healthy diet has pretty much gone out the window and I've regressed, at least for the last week, to stress eating. I know it's terrible. Because of the time needed for Bikram (90 mins), I have been unable to find a good time to squeeze it in. Which is sad because I think I have NEEDED to do yoga in the last 2 weeks. 

So I tried to supplement my lack of yoga with running. But in the last two weeks, I think Jay and I have gone for a run only 4 times. AND our 5k is on September 8. Totally not ready but obviously I can't turn back time. 

I've let the stress affect me enough so I'm getting back on the proverbial horse. Today will be my first day back to yoga in 2 weeks. I hope I don't pass out! This is our last week to use our voucher. Next month: bootcamp. Last week, Jay and I each bought a couple of pairs of jeans one size smaller than we wear now. I am determined to fit into them after one month of bootcamp. Oh Lord, help me.

Happy workouts everyone! Namaste.

I'm Bionic

Hollar! I'll try to keep this fairly short because my fingers hurt.

Today at work we had biometric screenings where they do a finger prick to get some blood to figure out your glucose and cholesterol levels. The fact sheet said to fast for at least 8 hours. Well, the first THREE times they couldn't get a reading from my blood. They told me to eat a protein bar and come back. The fourth time worked so apparently fasting was unnecessary. I simply told them I must have had a superpower that was lying dormant. I fully expect for my super powers to manifest themselves in the near future. In any case, those finger pricks hurt and now I'm having trouble typing. Boo! On a happy note, my blood pressure and cholesterol was great but my glucose levels were a bit high. So I've really got to work on monitoring my sugar intake.....

Anyway, I'm on my second week of Weight Watchers. I'm finding it much harder this time around. WW recently updated their food database so now many foods "cost" more than they used to. Couple that with my lowered amount of daily points and you'll understand why I'm having  hard time. Also, since they've updated their database, the mobile app has been less than useful. But I must be doing something right because 2 weeks in, I've already lost 4 pounds.

However, I put back about half a pound since last night. My friend Miogs and I went to Mon Ami Gabi for dinner. I had every intention of getting their Salmon Salad. But like they say, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" and I went to hell last night. I ordered their delicious cheeseburger. But God quickly punished me because by the time I got home, I felt so incredibly sick from the grease. I hope this lesson sticks...

So they say it's 80% what you eat and 20% exercise. I've been really trying to eat better and be more conscious of choosing fruits and veggies over chips and cookies. The exercise part though has been lagging. Because I've had bronchitis, it has been really difficult to exercise. Doing one lap around the track has been followed with coughing fits. The cough has gotten better but hasn't fully subsided. I have been able to sleep through the night for the past two nights so there's light at the end of the tunnel. I've only been able to "run" (let's be real, I mean walk 3/4 and jog 1/4 of the 3 miles) 3 times a week. Luckily, LivingSocial had a deal on Bikram Yoga. I bought one for me and Jay so we will be doing yoga the entire month of August. I hope to make it at least 4 times a week but honestly, I would love to challenge myself and do it for the entire 31 days. We'll see what my schedule, and body, allows. I even bought a new mat and Yogitoes! I can't wait to try them.

At least it seems I'm on the right track. OK, done typing. Fingers hurt bad. Happy Workout folks!

Butt Lifts

Ain't that the truth?

Hi folks! It's been a fairly uneventful couple of weeks. I've been sick for the last week. I had a fever of over 100 last weekend. Luckily, it didn't last long but the accompanying cough has. The hubs finally convinced me to go to Urgent Care yesterday. It turns out I have bronchitis - and because of my asthma, it could last another 2 weeks. Yay...I was prescribed some meds and they've helped. I was able to sleep through the entire night last night - first time in weeks! I stayed home today because the meds said they could cause drowsiness so I wanted to make sure I knew how I'd react before going to work. Plus, the doc said I'm still contagious so I wanted to spare those around me. But I'm feeling so much better - no more coughing until I feel like I might puke. I've lost most of my voice but that should come back in the next few days.

Because I'm feeling better, I've asked the hubs to work out with me outside today. I really wanted to play some tennis but it looks like it might storm so I'll have to figure out plan B. Maybe yoga or just running on the treadmill, which I hate.

Weight Watchers sign up was this past Friday at work. I signed up and found that this time around, I get 3 less points to eat per day. I assume it's because I weigh less than I did when I started it last year. I gave myself the weekend off and ate whatever I felt like but I officially started counting points today. My God, I forgot how much it suuuuucks. It's hard to find a lot of good recipes that are Weight Watchers friendly - other than salads. I am not the type to live on salads. I am back to scouring Skinnytaste.com to find yummy recipes that are WW friendly.

I'm also having trouble because my mother, who lives with us, loves junk food and soda. When she didn't live with us, it was a lot easier to keep that stuff out of the house because the hubs and pops didn't care much for junk food and neither drinks soda. Also, she enjoys cooking - especially Filipino food, which is not the healthiest cuisine on the planet. I'm just going to have to figure out how to keep myself motivated with having all these temptations at home...Oh well. Off to prepare some dinner.

Happy Workouts Folks!

Bikini Season

Wow, has it really been nearly 3 months since my last post?! WTF - my bad! Life has been keeping me busy. Since my last post...sorry, had to re-read it since it's been so long. I'm back now. Well, since my last post, I have finished 5 more PT sessions and the hubby and I went on our honeymoon. I hadn't actually lost the weight I wanted to by our vacation BUT I looked better in a bikini than I had 2 months prior. Here, you can see for yourself (sorry, no before picture so you'll have to take my word for it):

Again, not exactly where I wanted to be but happier with my body than I had been in a long time. I started to see muscles and get compliments (shallow, I know). And the fact that I could even don the bikini to begin with was a feat in and of itself. Woot. I think it had been 3 years since I had worn a bikini. We had the best time on our honeymoon in Turks and Caicos. All we did was lounge on the beach, eat, and snorkel. Since the resort was all-inclusive, the eating and drinking was fairly constant. So I gained a little but not much.

Unfortunately, as soon as we got back from our honeymoon, I spent about 2.5 weeks on a business trip to FL. I gained a little more due to the constant eating out. Luckily, my boss eats pretty healthy so fast food was not an option (nor will it ever been) for our business trip and I ate more salads than I normally do. So after the month of June, I'm up about 2 pounds from May. I am having a hard time getting back into the swing of working out and eating healthy but I know once I'm back to it, I'll have no problem losing it.

So, to help kick start (again) the continuation of the weight loss journey, I signed up myself and the hubs for a 5K in September. We've sporadically trained but after my next (very short) business trip, we will get it moving! I figured September was far enough away that we could get closer to an acceptable time/pace. Also, I figured September had milder weather. Thank God I didn't sign us up for a July 5K. With the heat we've been experiencing, I can imagine it would have taken us all of 1 mile before we got heat exhaustion!

Also, my work just announced they will have a discount with Weight Watchers so I'll only be paying half price!! I tried Weight Watchers last year for 3 months and had such a hard time doing it alone but it did help me lose 10 pounds. This time, I'll have the support of at least a quarter of the office so I have no doubt I can do it better this time around. I'm actually really excited for it and can't wait for signups to open.

OK, I should probably get back to work....Happy Workout Folks!

Crunch Time

It feels so great to be home! Business trips are only fun for about a day, then the constant eating out and not sleeping in your own bed gets pretty old. I had my first personal training session this past Saturday. He had me start off with ropes, 4-30 second sessions. Holy shii---my arms were done after that! We moved on to circuit training - shoulder press, chest press, bicep curls. I did all right until my left shoulder started to hurt - and it hurt bad. He told me that it was my rotator cuff and so we moved on to legs. He asked me if I've ever done the leg press and how much weight I normally do. I told him that I've done 120 pounds and he gave me a weird look. I asked him if that was too light and he told me that it was actually a lot of weight and he was impressed. He only made me do 90 pounds but we did 3 sets of 20 reps. My legs were pretty tired since it's been a while since I last did the leg press. We then did abs. He made me do them slow, so slow I literally felt like I was barely moving. We did 4 sets of 20 and the last 5 of each set I had to have a 5 lb weight on my chest. Needless to say that at the end of the session, I was B-E-A-T.

My trainer also gave me a list of foods I should eat (and stay away from) and told me I should stick to about 1700 cals a day. The information I got wasn't anything I didn't already know but it included an example of the perfect day. I have been following it and found that even though the food isn't all that delicious, I do feel better. I feel less sluggish and I'm not constantly hungry. 

I woke up Sunday, so incredibly sore that I could barely move and get out of bed. But I still managed to play a little tennis with the hubs and my brother and sister. I was feeling so sick on Monday from these damn allergies that I took a break. But today, the hubs and I made it to the gym. We hit up Dance Jam, my favorite class lately, and had a blast. Then we did an extra 10 minutes of cardio. I mainly did it because I felt the need to do at least 10 minutes on the step machine so I could tell my trainer that I did it. We weren't able to do any weight training today. But mainly because we are both slightly injured. My right bicep is KILLING me and my arms have felt like limp noodles. Jay is battling some wrist pain. I keep telling him to go to the doctor because it's been bothering him for almost two weeks but he's just so stubborn...

We have less than 2 months left before we head on our honeymoon. It's seriously crunch time. Now, when I think of eating crappy food, I picture this:

Gotta get as close to looking like this as possible...Happy Workout Folks!

1.38%

I am writing this post while sitting in my hotel room on my business trip to Florida. I have never felt so adult. Haha! Anyway, let's give you all a little update. On Saturday, my family and I went to Eastern Market in DC. Eastern Market is a flea market and food vendor heaven. We had crepes, both savory and sweet, freshly popped popcorn, freshly squeeze limeades and other yummy things. Places like Eastern Market make me want to live closer to the city. I love the feel. But then I think of the reality of living in the city. Not for me. So weekend trips are the next best thing. 

Sunday, I left for my business trip. Unfortunately, I couldn't fall asleep until around 3 AM. I had an early flight so was up at before 5:30 to get ready for the day. I tried to eat a little better but I definitely did not. I had a croissant and a banana for breakfast. I wanted coffee but was afraid it would upset my stomach so I opted for water instead. I usually have no problem falling asleep on a flight but not this time. I think I was too tired to be able to relax so I ended up staying awake the entire flight, even though I knew as soon as we touched down I would have to work. So on the plane I had a cup of coffee and a small bag of cookies. Once off the plane, I was a little better and had a yummy, light Red Mango smoothie. But as the day progressed, my energy level rapidly took a nosedive. I then had 3 slices of pizza and a soda just to feel better. And it did work. I was a little more conscious about dinner: sushi, salad, ice tea, and pudding for dinner. Hodgepodge, I know, but delicious nonetheless.

Today was a little better. I didn't need to be at work until 10. But instead of sleeping in, I decided to get up earlier than needed to fit in a quick 30 minute workout. I figured, it was better than nothing. I packed workout clothes for a reason! So this morning, I let myself snooze an extra 20 minutes then forced myself out of bed to hit the tiny, pathetic exercise room by the lobby. So I pulled my workout clothes out of my suitcase only to realize that I forgot a sports bra. GAH!! Normally, I would use this as an excuse to go back to bed but decided to put on a regular bra and workout anyway. Not the best workout I've had but again, better than nothing. I am very glad I brought an extra bra on this trip. I ate a little better today, except for dinner. We (I'm here with my coworker) had gone straight to Target after work to get some things. By the time we were done, it was 7:45 and we were starving! So instead of hitting Bonefish like originally planned, we went to Chick-fil-A. Yum! I know what I should have gotten but I got a sandwich and fries. Oh well. Guess I got to work it off tomorrow morning.

OK kids, sorry if this post is all over the place. I'm a bit exhausted (which means scatterbrained) and now need to head to bed. Happy workout folks!

Fitting In

I am not dead folks. I apologize for the impromptu hiatus but life has been cray...

As you know, I started my new job. Time seriously flies - I've been here for three weeks already! And I must say, I've been so busy I'm barely spending any time on Facebook and Pinterest. What does that tell you?! I also started this post about two weeks ago and just haven't had any time to get back to it. So here I am. 

I've been putting in a few more hours at the new job and it's been cutting into my gym time. Couple that with the fact that there are always delicious, but not nutritious, snacks around. Allergies/congestion have hit me hard so I'm sleeping less and less. All in all, it paints a picture of less than optimum health. I have been feeling like crap. So yesterday, I did something about it. I ordered 8 personal training session at the new gym. YIKES! It was hard to fork over the money and I was honestly not even interested. At least not until the guy mentioned that in 8 weeks, it'll be June. WTF JUNE?! Wasn't it Christmas just last week? Errr, guess not. The first thought that popped in my head - "My honeymoon is in June!" Damn you Chris, the PT Manager. You got me. He also told me I should follow a low-carb diet. But I love carbs! Isn't that obvious by my current body? Oh yeah, that's exactly what I'm trying to change. So yes, I start my PT sessions next week. And I now need to make a very conscious effort to cut down on my precious carbs.

Also, I'm in Florida for work next week. All week. Which means eating out for every meal since no one will cook for me I won't be home to cook...That means I need to really hold myself accountable and eat good food and make better choices. 

So the foreseeable future is about fitting in. Fitting into my (smaller) clothes. Fitting in at work. Fitting in workouts into my schedule.

Sorry for the short post folks. I'll try to get better about "fitting in" time for the blog as well. 

(Did you see what I just did there ^_^)

Happy workout folks!

Looking Forward to the Weekend!

Grandma (not mine of course) can do crow & I can't. *shame*

Today is my last day at my current job. Woot! I am so looking forward to starting my new job on Monday but wish I had taken a day or two off to relax. Next time! I am seriously looking forward to this weekend. The hubs and I are going out dancing on Saturday night (gasp! this never happens) for a friend's birthday celebration. Other than that, we made N-O plans for the first time in a long time. I am looking forward to cleaning up the room and watching movies in bed. 

Last night, the hubs joined me for a hot yoga session at Down Dog Yoga in Herndon. This studio is pretty good and offers a free week of yoga to local newcomers. My last day is tomorrow so I plan on fitting in one last class while I still can. The two pounds I gained over the last couple of weeks of fairly low activity have been lost this week - thank God for hot yoga! Check out the pic below of me after class. See the very bottom of my tank top? That light pink is the actual color - the dark pink, which is pretty much the entire tank except for the sliver at the bottom, is SWEAT. I wear a headband just to keep the sweat from rolling down into my eyes. I wanted to get a pic of the hubs too but he wore a black Under Armour shirt that wouldn't show sweat so it was pointless.

I really enjoy this studio BUT I am unsure if I can justify the extra cost to go there. I still have my gym membership and their one month of unlimited classes is $145. I think I will see how my new work schedule pans out before I commit to this studio. They also will be having a Commit to It 40 day challenge (6 weeks). At first I thought it was 40 days straight of yoga but it's not. The challenge consists of a minimum of 4 yoga classes per week. You will also need to attend a mandatory weekly meeting to discuss practices and meditate with the others taking the challenge. There is also a nutritional component. While it sounds like something I would like to get into, the cost is steep - $350!!! I am not willing to pay $350 to sit around and meditate with other people I don't know. Thanks but no thanks. BUT maybe, I will challenge myself to try to do yoga 4 times a week, in addition to doing other forms of cardio and weight lifting. We shall see. If I do decide to go to this studio, I will definitely need to invest in a new mat and a yoga towel. By the end of last night's session, I was slip sliding all over the place. Happy Workout and Weekend Folks!!

The Wayward Exerciser

Can I just say that I do none of these things -_-

The Prodigal Daughter has returned! I know I have been slacking on updates and posts and it's because, like I said in my last post, I have been slacking at the gym. Majorly. When I'm there, I'm there and fully committed to finishing whatever form of torture P90X has planned. The problem is getting there. Case in point: Yesterday, Jay and I had dinner plans to hang out with friends. We both decided to be home before/by 9 so we could hit the gym. Unfortunately, I, therefore we, got lazy and didn't go to the gym. BUT we did do an hour of XBox Kinect Just Dance 3 - at 10 PM (so there is SOME committment!). We did fit in some cardio - which is better than none but of course not as good as what we really should have done. 

Last night at dinner with my friend Lizzy, I told her that I have been having a hard time motivating myself. I think it's partly because I'm semi-happy with myself right now. I don't have the total body hatred I had a year ago. But swimsuit season is coming, FAST, and I know I will hate myself in 3 months if I don't make more of an effort to lose some weight. I also think I'm having a hard time finding the right workouts. I enjoy yoga but not nearly as much as I used to. I don't particularly enjoy P90X and I kind of miss Tracy Anderson, despite the fact that I semi-hated it while I was doing it. But the weather is starting to get warmer which means more time outdoors. Despite my absolutely terrible, I should live in a bubble, kind of allergies, I really enjoy being outside. I'm looking forward to hikes, possibly learning to ride a bike, and tennis. Bring on the sunshine! Can't wait for time to roll back so that Jay and I can resume our morning walks/jogs. 

I've also lost all desire to cook. Cooking our meals really helped me lose weight because I was able to really see and control what kind of foods I was putting into my body. Lately, Jay and I have been eating out a lot because I just haven't had the time/drive/energy to cook our dinners. But I know that needs to change. I am still going to continue with the Body by Vi shakes but up until this point I haven't been diligent about having 2/day. I was finding it too difficult to have one for lunch so I think I will starting having a shake for breakfast and then one for dinner. I like having lighter dinners anyway so I don't feel so heavy when I go to bed.

So in an effort to really motivate myself, I have decided yet again to appeal to my materialist side. I'll admit it: I love stuff. Even if it's completely useless/frivolous. I don't care. I love stuff. I don't know anyone who doesn't. Here is my new goal list:

5 lbs: Etsy Love Bracelet

10 lbs: Etsy Suck It Up Tank

15 lbs: Kate Spade Slip Knot Bangle

20 lbs: Toms Ballet Flats

25 lbs: Michael Kors Two-Tone Watch

30 lbs (GOAL): Marc Jacobs Bag

Everything on the list is something that I really want and is slightly more than I want to spend at this time. BUT I think that if I make my goals, I will deserve each piece. Here goes nothing...

Happy Workout Folks!

An Extra Day to Make It Count

Happy Extra Day in February everyone! I know it's been awhile. I'm sorry if you were experiencing any symptoms of withdrawals (crying yourself to sleep, insomnia, depression, anxiety, etc). As it happens sometimes, life got busy. I recently got a new job (woot!) and am starting in a week and a half. I am so excited.

As for fitness, I am ashamed to admit that not much has been done on this front.  No excuses - just lazy. Last week we repeated week 3 of P90X since Jay felt that we kind of slacked the week before. This week is cardio - no weight lifting. So far, Jay and I have done some rock climbing at the gym and a few hundred jumping jacks, but that's about it. Womp, womp, womp. On a side note, I really enjoy rock climbing, despite the fact that I have only made it once to the top and it was on the easiest climb. I mean, kids age 5 (maybe even younger) were smoking me. It's a total body workout and I am sweating within seconds. It's a nice change from the norm - treadmill, stairmaster, elliptical (BORING!). I also ordered a jump rope through Amazon (I needed something else to bump up my order to $25 so I could avoid shipping costs). I should be getting it next week and I'm really excited. I forgot how much fun jump roping is. Now, if I could only get the hubs to love it as much as I do...

In my previous post, I mentioned that I bought the Body by Vi shakes. I got it in the mail and unofficially started this past Sunday. I saw unofficially because I have been having a hard time keeping to the 2 shakes a day they tell you to have. I told myself I would give it a couple of months and if I'm unsatisfied, I will stop. The powder is not so bad and the shakes I have been making taste pretty good. But the frozen fruit I buy for the shakes are costly. I am going to have to go to Costco soon and see if they sell what I'm looking for. I am hoping that I can really buckle down and "officially" start the shakes next week.

OK, that's it for me folks. Sorry for the shortness but again, not much to report. Le sigh. Today is an extra day to make it count! Happy Workout Everyone!

Motivation Proclamation

I think this is every woman's dream...and every man's dream for a woman :-)

UPDATE: Thanks to Katie, I just spent $113 for Body By Vi's Shape Kit. 2 shakes a day...hope this works! If you want to try it with me, go to https://bunnybenedicto.myvi.net/join/body.html?Market=USA to order from me :-)

If the title of this post made you think of the Good Charlotte song - brownie points for you! I promise this post won't be nearly as depressing as the song though. We are slightly more than half way through February and I have nothing to report. I have not lost or gained a pound or an inch since the beginning of the year. I know, I know, I really need to kick it up a notch. So this time, for real, I am going to be better about nutrition. I know it won't be easy, which sucks because I like things to come easy. Woe is me.

I have been hearing a lot about nutritional shakes like Shakeology or Body by Vi. While I am sure these will help you lose weight, I'm just not sure if I have the will power to drink shakes for 1-2 of my 3 meals a day (this does not include Scooby Snacks). I have tried Shakeology and the taste is pretty good but I'm not as full as they claim I should be when I drink it. Maybe I am an anomaly and I have more stomachs than the average human? Plus Shakeology costs $120 for a month's supply! Body by Vi costs almost double that! So I would need to spend an extra $120-240 a month on top of my normal grocery bills? Maybe I'll try it next month and see if it really makes a difference.

In addition to lacking will power, I think I lack tangible/visible motivation. I feel that they go hand in hand. So last night, I made this and posted it on my wall at work, since that's where I spend most of my days (not chillin out, maxin, relaxin all cool...)

This weekend I am buying this bathing suit in the size I want to be to help motivate me. There's a countdown to our Honeymoon so as of today I have 107 days to lose 5 inches around my waist. Definitely Doable. Just got to buckle down. So this Fantasy Friday, I am buying my "fantasy bathing suit" in hopes that by time June rolls around I will have the fantasy body to boot. Plus staring at her body will guilt me into putting down the doughnut, cupcake, pizza, candy, etc.

Happy Workout Everyone!

Mo Money Mo Problems

haha this is funny. I have spent all week trying to find the perfect location of my monitor since I sit right by the door to the office...

So today is kind of a big day. I am officially out of credit card debt! Woot! Now if only I had more money left over to celebrate and enjoy this new found financial freedom. Oh well. That's what Fantasy Friday is all about. I have been online "window" shopping all week long. This is what happens when work slows down. I should be busy in the next few weeks so I hope the constant desire to buy stuff I want but don't need wanes a bit.

All week I have been browsing for the perfect gym bag. As of right now, I don't NEED a bag as much as I did last month since the hubby and I have not been hitting the gym in the morning. Since we go after dinner, there is no need to bring a bag of clothes, makeup, and toiletries with me. I just get changed at home and shower when we get back home. But if and when we start doing our 6 AM workouts, I am going to need a bag - and one that will help keep me organized. And I think I have found THE ONE!

Isn't she beautiful? This is the Shuttle Bus Weekender Bag by Lug. It is perfect if you like a thousand pockets. And I do! I do! I do! It comes in a ton of colors and is water-repellent i.e. easy to keep clean. What I especially love is that it has a separate place for your shoes. See?

I love this! I currently have to put my shoes/flip flops in a plastic bag so that the dirty bottoms don't touch my clean clothes. I think I go through 3 bags a week - not very eco-friendly. The bag also features a hidden water bottle holder and a pocket just for your phone so it's easy to find. It's also great as a carry-on for any flight or an overnight bag for a quick weekend trip. It has gotten great reviews at every site I have seen them sold. My only issue is the price. It retails for $105...ouch, that hurts my wallet. I have found it on other sites as cheap as $83 but that is still pretty steep for a gym bag. So I made myself a deal. IF I can consistently hit the gym 3 times a week in the morning for an entire month, I will let myself get it. I better start saving my pennies...and hitting the sack before midnight. *YAWN*

Happy Workout Everyone!

Feeling Like a Criminal

OK folks. Let me be straight with you. This week has been bad. Actually, this week has not been bad - it has been terrible. OK, I am being (overly) dramatic. Nothing bad has actually happened in my life. It's just that I can feel myself lowly slipping into back into my bad habits.  I have just been eating TERRIBLY this week. 

*cue dream-like flash back*

It all started with Super Bowl Sunday. My entire family was over to celebrate Alyson's, my bro's girlfriend, birthday. She's a vegetarian so most of the food was sans meat, except for a couple of items since my nieces wouldn't have eaten the other stuff. Lunch was fine...but was very quickly followed by cupcakes. I L.O.V.E. cupcakes. I have a weakness for cupcakes. I would be happy to drown in a sea of cupcakes. My sister had bought a dozen cupcakes for the occasion and I had one-half of three different flavors (red velvet, lemon, and vanilla for those interested in knowing)...which equates to 1.5 full delicious, butter-filled, frosted cupcakes, or as I call them, gifts from Heaven. Then for dinner, I made crock-pot pulled pork sandwiches. Delicious, easy, and filling but hardly heart-healthy. Then Katie, the devil-woman with seriously adorable children LOL, left a carton of Heath Ice Cream in our freezer. Needless to say that the carton was finished in record time by myself and the hubby..

And the feeding frenzy has not stopped. I have had a doughnut, about 3 sodas, and a few pieces of chocolate this week, in addition to the two lunches I have had to buy. And it's only Thursday! Now, I know you could probably spit out all the reasons why this stuff is bad. Believe me, I tell myself all the reasons why I shouldn't have refined sugar, simple carbs, and tasteless junk. The fact that I continue to eat these things despite knowing I shouldn't makes it worse. BUT I know it's just a bad week - lots of stress I've been under - and that next week I will be back to my regular routine. 

On the up side, I have been consistently working out. Jay and I are on week 2 of P90X and the soreness I felt in week 1 has seriously lessened. Good and bad. No weight or inches have come off but no weight has come on either. Happy about the latter. But we haven't been working out in the morning so our workouts have been creeping into our regular sleeping time, which means less sleep for me. I'm hoping next week we can resume our 5 AM workouts so that I can get dinner on the table and sleep at a decent hour. We also need to figure out how to work more cardio into our workouts because right now I only get about 2 days a week of cardio. Yikes. OK, my pity party is over.

Happy Workout Folks!

This song plays in my head when I eat badly...Enjoy :-)

Gulp. Gulp. Gulp.

Water, Water, everywhere

Nor any drop to drink.

Can you tell me who wrote these famous words? If you said Foghorn Leghorn, you are wrong. That is the rooster from Looney Tunes. If you said, Samuel Coleridge, you are correct! 10 points for your house! (if you don't understand the Harry Potter reference please read the books!) Water is essential to all human life. While this varies depending on age, weight, height, and health, the rule of thumb is that humans cannot survive without water for more than 3 days. Yikes, better drink up!

Growing up, my dad always stressed the importance of drinking water. I used to not love water, I preferred its sugar counterparts, soda and juice. But as my soda intake soared, it really began to take a toll on my body. I gained weight, felt sluggish, and always had back pain. When I cut back on soda and started drinking more water, I started to feel immediately better. 

If you're not a water drinker, I implore you to become one. An easy way to ease into drinking more water is to add some flavor. Try drinking flavored water like Propel instead of soda. Or add flavor to your tap water with Mio. And if you really love fruit and have some on hand, you can always add slices of fresh fruit, like oranges or lemons or even cucumber, to liven things up. Also, I have heard that coconut water has a lot of added benefits. Personally, I can't really stand the taste but if you can, jump on that! To keep me on track, I drink from a cup or a water bottle that says how many oz it holds. I love my Camelbak water bottle. I have the 750 ml one. I fill it up all the way and try to drink at least 3 full bottles before I leave work. A good rule of thumb is to drink at least 8-8 oz glasses of water (which is 64 oz) OR half your weight. So if, for example, you weight 120 pounds, you should drink at least 60 oz of water (because 60 is half of 120 - there is your math lesson for today!). Note: while it's good to drink water, try not to drink it all at once. You'll feel sick if you don't pace yourself. Water intoxication is a real problem my friends. 

Word of warning though. You will spend A LOT of time in the bathroom. But that's good - you will be flushing out the toxins in your body. I know it's gross but if your pee is clear, you're in the clear :-)

While I'm sure this is refreshing, I suggest you drink it BEFORE you douse yourself with it :-)

Pack It In. Pack It Up.

Happy Friday Folks! I have been very consistent in my workouts this week and I am feeling it. I have been so sore since Monday but it's been a really good sore. Yesterday we did hot yoga (instead of YogaX) and it felt G-O-O-D to stretch everything out. Today will be legs, back, and abs. I am also planning on doing some cardio and hitting the hot tub at the gym to help with the soreness.

So...my office is moving to another one 5 or so miles away and today is our last day in our current office. Things are hectic and everything is packed up. I hate packing because it forces me to keep or throw random crap I seem to accumulate. So with everything packed up neatly in our moving crates, it made me think of what I want for this Fantasy Friday. 

A lunch box! But this is the ULTIMATE lunch box. In my effort to lose weight, I bring a lunch most days. It usually consists of leftovers from the previous night, a couple pieces of fruit, some string cheese, and a side salad. While this lunch box is $100...yes ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS...look what it can fit:

It can hold up to 5 meal containers, which is perfect since I normally bring two or three each day. It also has a place for my blender bottle and protein so that I don't have to worry about packing it separately. The ice packs will help keep everything cool to avoid spoiling. I especially like the separate compartment for my fruit. Sometimes, my fruit rolls around and gets squished by the Ziplock plastic containers. And squished fruit is gross! I don't normally pack silverware since my work provides plastic cutlery but I don't know if it will be the same in the new office so it's a nifty extra. I also don't take supplements, or enough to care about the supplements compartment but I guess it could come handy in the future. Maybe I can store my FRS Energy Chews in there? I have been wanting a lunch box for a while now because I'm tired of bringing my lunch in Target bags. But it's hard to find one that will fit everything perfectly. This may just be the lunch box for me! The company also sells a smaller version that carries only 3 meal containers for about $70. Maybe that one would make more sense? Either way, I think it's time to start saving for a "cool" lunchbox.

Happy Workout Everyone!

Jump! Jump!

Hi ladies and gents! I've lost my mojo. I was totally pumped to write this post this morning but the excitement has waned. Womp womp womp. But I'll persevere for your sake! Yesterday was Day 2 of P90X. Not many things fill me with dread more than the word "PLYOMETRICS". Plyometrics is more commonly known as jump training - probably because you're pretty much jumping in each move. Jay and I went to the gym at 8 last night and were happy to see one of the studio rooms was empty so we had a ton of (much needed) space. This is us pre-workout:

Aww, don't we look so happy? Those smiles quickly faded once we got through the first group (of 5). Each group consisted of 4 moves that had to be done for 30-60 seconds. We needed to do two sets of each. I know it doesn't sound like a lot but imagine jumping for a good hour straight...After the first group, my lungs were BURNING! It didn't help that I was still sore from Monday's workout. But we pushed through and finished the entire workout. Here we are post-workout:

Look at those forced smiles...and Jay's sweat made a heart. How disgustingly sweet. You can't tell from the pic but my face is beet red at this point. Here's a picture of my sweat:

Didn't want to see that? Oops, my bad. Well, it doesn't seem like that much sweat but my sports bra is the Bounty of sports bras. And most of my sweat gets stuck in my hair. OK, that was probably more than you needed to know about my sweat tendencies...

Today, every inch of me hurts. This morning the hubby and I got up, despite the fact that we went to sleep around midnight, at 5:30 to hit the gym. I am having dinner with my lovely friend Lizzy so a post-work workout was not in the cards We did Day 3 - Shoulders and Arms. I decided not to take pictures to spare your eyes because we were looking rough this morning. Dark circles, puffy eyes, and messy hair. Not a pretty picture. We were able to get the whole thing in a little over half an hour. Yay for being efficient! My calves are especially tight today so at lunch I decided to take a 2 mi walk around the office. This spring weather is making me long for summer. 

Oh, and the "time to look great in a bikini" countdown is on. Jay has booked our honeymoon trip for June to Turks and Caicos. Even more motivation to slim it down :-)

Happy Workout Folks!

Semi-Fail

If it did, I would be in really GREAT shape!

So last week was bad. Really bad. I only worked out twice and the workouts were kind of half-assed. I lifted weights both days and did about 5 mins of HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) cardio after a 5 minute warm-up. And that's all folks. On top of that, I ate fairly crappy. I ate out more than normal and did not make good choices. I'm only human so I'm not dwelling on it too much. This week will be different. On a good note, I hit one of my goals this month: try a new fitness class/workout each month. In fact, if you count Team Fitness, I tried three: Pilates (l-a-m-e), Kettle Bell, and Team Fitness.

Now, Jay and I have set our sights on:  (again....)

I have done some of the workouts but have never done the full rotation. Jay has completed some of it but has never finished. Our goal is to finish it this time around. Last night we hit the gym around 9 (yes, 9 at night). Yesterday was chest and back which consists mostly of pull ups and push ups. Now, I know I've said it before but I'll say it again, I have no upper body strength. OK, that may not be necessarily 100% true but I suck at pull ups and push ups. I can do about 10 regular push ups before I have to switch to the "girly" kind. And even then after about 20 my arms are shot. Add in pull ups, which I can't do unassisted, and my arms are jello after the first couple of sets. 

We also worked in Ab Ripper X into the equation. Jay and I got through 2/3rds of the total workout before we quit. I was starting to get dizzy and he was sleepy. So yesterday was a semi-fail (a total fail would have been not going at all). By the time we got home it was like 10:30 and we were both exhausted. I told Jay that to keep us accountable I was going to take pictures before our workout and then after and post them here. I took our before pictures but we were too exhausted after our workout and forgot about the after pictures. Another fail. Oh well, I'll try to get them into tomorrow's post.

Happy Workout Folks!

Now Walk It Out...

As if working out isn't already it's own form of hell, treadmills in hell make me want to be a "good" girl Catholic for the rest of my life so that I can get into Heaven. I bet all my favorite foods have 0 calories in Heaven.

Hi Folks! It's Friday! Woot. This week, as does every work week, seemed to drag on and on so the thought of two days off seems glorious. Cannot wait! Anyway, it's Fantasy Friday so let's get on with it! I have another gadget on my brain today. It's this little guy....

Say "Ello Mate!" to the FitBit. Gosh, even the name is cute. And don't let his small stature fool you. You know what they say: "Great things come in small packages" - just like yours truly! It's a pedometer on crack. It is calibrated to measure every little step you take, in addition to calculating altitude if you climb stairs. It can calculate the calories burned, which I would not necessarily put too much stock in since it cannot calculate based on your weight, VO2 intake, and other factors. But it's probably a good basis on how much you can eat. But for me, the clincher is it can track your sleep patterns. By wearing it on your wrist at night, it can tell you how long it took for your to fall asleep, how many times you work up during the night, and your actual sleep time. I think that's a nifty little feature.

(The only time this would be true is if "shoes" came after "running")

I think I have finally come to terms with the fact that I HATE running and probably always will. I don't dislike it, I flat out HATE it. I don't get that "runner's high" that everyone who loves running talks about. I have old lady knees that I inherited from my mom and running often aggravates them. She has had knee surgery and I see how difficult it is for her to move around. So I know that moving is key to prevent the same fate. I have tried and tried and tried to like running but I just don't. I do like walking through. I even like hiking. So maybe walking will be my thing instead of trying to make myself like something I don't. I will still run from time to time, especially when it's warm enough to run outside on a track or trail versus a treadmill. But I think this FitBit might just help me walk off the pounds. It costs $100 and I have a little extra this week so I may just let myself get one...

...unless it's Physical Therapy...

Energy

....and this is why I will never rule the world....

Happy Tuesday folks...one day closer to Friday! Today, I have no energy, probably because we skipped our workout yesterday due to my upset tummy. So this post will probably be short and full of pictures (I decided my blog needed more pictures.) YAY! The hubby and I tried a new class at the gym. LifeTime sent out an email saying there was a Kettlebell demo so we decided to sign up and try it. There were only 4 of us in the class. After warming up sans kettlebells, we picked them up and practiced 4 different lifts. While it was nice trying out a different workout and challenging my body, I didn't love it (or hate it). But considering the class is $40 per session, I think I'll pass. For those of you who have never heard of kettlebells, this is what we looked like:

(pictures are great! I don't think I could have effectively described this..)

But don't take my word for it - try it out yourself if you can. It may be up your alley :-)

Back to energy. Look what I got in the mail yesterday!!

(oh, I am so artistic!)

I love FRS. I drink the low cal Peach Mango version (I have tried the Peach Nectarine - that wasn't very good in my opinion). The Peach Mango is yummy and doesn't upset my stomach like other energy drinks do.  I also don't get the jittery feeling an hour after drinking them, the way I do with soda and coffee. I haven't tried either of these flavors or the chews so I signed up for the "free" try it package on frs.com. I say "free" because I still paid $3.95 for shipping. But a 4 pack of cans cost $7 at Wegman's so it's not a terrible deal. Now if only I had the foresight to actually bring some with me. I probably wouldn't be having this energy crisis right now...

I also made these over the weekend:

They are filled with good things and are taste damn good. Again, I should have brought some of these with me today. Ugh, this is what happens when I fail to plan. Click on the link for the recipe. Most people should have the basic stuff on hand and they were really easy to make. You can also tailor the recipe based on what's in your pantry or food allergies. I highly recommend trying out these energy bites and FRS if you haven't already. 

OK, I am done rambling about how I wish I had brought my arsenal of energy boosters. Now it's time to find a way to boost my energy without them...Too bad napping at work is frowned upon....

Gadgets, Gadgets, Gadgets!!

It's Friday!!!!! Is it just me, or do these 4-day work weeks seem to drag on and on? Why does it feel like a full work week goes by faster? Either way I am very happy that it's Friday, which makes tomorrow Saturday. YAY!

So I learned a few of things at the gym today:

1. Circuit training is hard and kind of sucks.
2. Layers and bangs are really cute when you have time to style your hair properly.
3. The blow-dryers at the gym SUCK so I will need to start bringing my own.
4. I will need to start bringing my straightener too.
5. My gym bag will weigh 1,000 pounds next week and my primp time just got longer.

Ok, so most of the stuff I learned dealt with my hair and not fitness. I just got a haircut over the weekend - and it's not very gym-friendly. Oh well. On to what I'm fantasizing about today.....

This baby...I am a bit of a useless gadget junkie. I guess I get that from my dad.

OK, I've read the reviews and they all say that the gadget was released before it was ready. But since it's $250 right now, I think I can wait until all the bugs are worked out :-) This MotoActv is kind of everything I want in a fitness gadget all rolled into one. It tracks your progress and workouts, plays music, and can alert you when it's time to workout. It's kind of like the perfect workout buddy. It also syncs with my Droid (since it's a Motorola droid) with a free app. It can average my calories, heart rate, pace, distance and duration of workouts. 

Unfortunately, the $250 will only get your the MotoActv device, the headphones and wrist strap (shown in the picture) are sold separately. I would want the wrist strap because I hate those stupid arm band IPod cases. They remind me of those blood pressure arms straps at the doctor. I have to wear them tight (which hurts my arms) because if I don't, they don't stay on once I start to sweat. I would also want the wireless Bluetooth headphones. I'm unsure about the sound quality but it would be nice to workout without cords getting in the way. I wonder if the headphones would fit in my ears - I have small ears and have difficulty finding headphones that fit properly.

Is it necessary? No. It is cool? Yes! If this thing had GPS tracking, I may have just sprung the $250. Maybe for the 2nd Generation...if it ever makes it that far. This one, for now, will remain a fantasy...

Happy Workouts Everyone!

The Gym

I sure hope this little fitspo picture is true. I've become a bit of a gym rat lately. 

I was listening to the Kane Show* last week and they said that January 10 is the day most people quit the gym. Apparently, the number one reason people quit the gym is because they have a hard time finding parking. UM, are you serious (insert eye brow lift)?! LifeTime has an OK parking situation so I guess I can't complain but c'mon! This reminded me of those times I would walk to UREC (oh JMU, how I miss UREC) and see people waiting in the 5 car parking lot by the gym for a spot so they wouldn't have to walk uphill (or downhill) from the other parking lots. I always thought that these people were really stupid. I mean, if they just parked in the other lot, they could use the walk from their car to the front door as a warm up and they could hit the ground running. I'm sure that in the time they spent waiting in their car, they could have gotten through at least a quarter of their workout. Oh well. I'm not sure if I believe the Kane show though because when I go after work, I have a harder time finding a machine that I like. I guess in a few weeks, people will get tired and stop going. Just got to wait it out...ugh.

Even though I have passed the January 10 gym d-day and am continuing to go 5-6 times a week, I do sometimes still get a little discouraged that the scale isn't budging. Yes, I am eating better and drinking more water. Yes, I am weight training but I guess I should up it from 2 to at least 3 times a week. The hubs thinks I need to kick it up a notch - since I have already lost some weight it'll be harder for me to lose it unless my workouts become more intense. I think he should kiss my [censor]....I am honestly doing the best that I can. When I leave the gym, I am sweaty, red in the face, and out of breath and/or so sore it's hard to walk. I think I just need to ditch the scale. Maybe I'm losing fat and gaining muscle. Maybe I'm deluding myself. Maybe I should just stop thinking about losing weight, keep working hard and eating better, and the weight will take care of itself. Yeah, that sounds about right. I did lose a half inch from my natural waist line in 2 weeks. Guess that's better than nothing.

Last night, I started week 6 of the Couch-to-5K running guide. It was kind of brutal. It adds another 3 minutes of running. Doesn't sound like a lot but I definitely do not consider myself a runner. I had to slow down the pace to be able to finish the whole thing but I'm really proud of myself for not quitting and running through the pain. On the last 5 minutes, I told myself I would only do 2 and I did the whole 5. My time was slow...I finished in about 45 minutes, probably because I was exhausted and walked the last half mile...but I really need to work on my endurance first. Once my lungs don't burn (I will not blame my asthma, I will not blame my asthma) I can work on my speed. This morning was TEAM Fitness Cardio day and we did the elliptical - it was really hard because we had to up our resistance. I'm used to doing it at 8 but I had to go all the way up to 20. She called it "walking in the mud" and that's exactly how I felt. I was next to the old guy in our group and he was smoking me...I think elliptical is his only cardio because I can do better than him on the treadmill. Still hurt my pride a little...Oh well, I'll just have to do better next time.

Happy Hump Day!!!

*for those of you not in the DC area, the Kane show is the morning show on Hot 99.5 - you can listen to them on I Heart Radio. They're pretty hilarious =)

Fantasy Friday

The name of this post does not imply what I think you are thinking. So get your mind out of the gutter! With that said, I decided that this blog needed a regular post so every Friday is now "Fantasy Friday". This year, I'm not only trying to get physically fit, I'm also trying to get financially fit. The hubby and I are hoping to buy a house this year so saving money is a priority. Unfortunately, trying to balance a budget and enjoy my money at the same time makes me stress and stress makes me want to spend money. I am a big believer in retail therapy. Since retail therapy like I used know it is no longer an option, I'm going to have to get my fix another way. Now, I'll just have to blog about the stuff I would buy. I will try to save a little here and there so that hopefully I can actually get the things blogged about on Fantasy Friday. Here we go....

THE Mat. The name says it all. This yoga mat, produced by Lululemon, is the Holy Grail of yoga mats (or so I have been told). It's unassuming name and unadorned body might make it seem plain next to all the fancy colored and printed mats out there, but it's the simplicity of it that makes it a standout. As I said in my last post, I have been getting into yoga, especially hot yoga. I am pretty uncoordinated (and sweaty) so I end up slipping and bunching my mat. I end up having to fix the mat every other sun salutation. This mat is the answer to my problems. The other night after yoga, I saw a lady with this mat. I asked her how she liked it and started raving about how wonderful it is and how she is so happy she finally decided to buy it. Yesterday, the hubby and I went to Lululemon to check it out. The mat is heavy but nice and thick - perfect for my old lady knees. I of course have done my research and still have some concerns. The mat is made of rubber and gives off a very distinct and strong smell. I have very a sensitive olafactory sense, so anything that smells too strongly is hard on me.  Lululemon says that once you soak it and air dry it, the smell should dissipate. This is probably true because the mat of the lady at the gym did not smell at all. Also, due to the weight, I would need to get a very sturdy yoga mat - rolling it up and carrying it under my arm will probably not work out too well. Also, it seems there is a lot of upkeep with this mat. However, I still think the pros outweigh the cons - this might be the mat for me...If I ever do get it, I hope I'm not one of the 1% of people who gave this mat a bad review.

Happy Friday!!