10 Excuses for NOT Working Out

I have a calendar on my wall where I write down all my workouts. I like it because when I see a couple of consecutive days with nothing written on them, I know it's time to hit the gym. And while I am not looking at it right now, I know that in November, I had hit the gym 12-16 times for at least an hour, averaging about 3-4 times per week. It is now the THIRD (really 2.5) week in December and I have hit the gym a whopping 4 times. That averages to be about 1.3-1.6 times a week - depending on how many weeks you think December has had...

This morning I read this article by Rachel Wilkerson that I found through Fila's Facebook page. It's her 10 Excuses she made that day for not wanting to go to yoga. I found it funny, especially since she happens to write the way that I think. Only her thoughts seem to be better organized. So in an homage to Rachel (they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery), I have decided to make my own top 10 Excuses for not hitting the gym regularly in the last few weeks.  Drumroll please...

1. I'm tired. Honey, when are you NOT tired? And you're probably tired because there are no endorphines running through your body. This is the I'm-too-lazy-to-do-anything kind of tired (the bad kind). Get off your butt and get the Good-Lord-I'm-so-tired-from-my-workout kind of tired.

2. It's cold and dark out. Well, it is December and since you don't live in a state that boasts 60-70 degree temps year round, it's always going to be cold this time of year. Layer on the clothes and get out the door.

3. I stayed at work a little later which lead to a later dinner. Now it's too late to work out. Isn't this why you wanted a 24-hour gym? Forego a little sleep tonight and you will probably end up living a lot longer.

4. I'm feeling lazy. Pardon my French but tough $h!t. You'll regret not going today, tomorrow.

5. I want to catch up on laundry, TV, BS-ing around on Facebook or Pinterest. A)You can fold the laundry another time. If you need clothes for tomorrow, pick out the ones you want to wear and steam them if you need to. B)Cut out TV - it just turns your brain to mush, especially considering what type of shows you watch and C)Facebook and Pinterest will still be there tomorrow. You can catch up on your lunch break.

6. I washed my hair today and don't want to have to wash it tomorrow. Yes, it's not great for your hair to be washed every day but isn't this why you bought Dry Shampoo? And if you really sweat, just wash your  hair. Jeez...

7. Crap, I forgot my gym clothes or a hair tie. You have to pass your house on the way to the gym anyway so take the extra 10 mins you'll need to go home, change and/or grab something you forgot. Just don't turn on the TV or sit on the bed when you get there!! Oh and next time, pack your stuff at night so you won't forget anything.

8. I don't know what I want to work on at the gym. Really? Then workout everything...or anything! Go to a class, hop on the (dreaded) treadmill, copy the moves of another person lifting weights. Just.DO.Something!

9. I'm still sore from working out the last time. That's because your muscles are getting weaker. Do you want to feel like this each time you workout? Pop an Advil and lace up your shoes.

10. I'll just start up the "workout more and eat better" plan next week. Don't put off to tomorrow what you can do today. There's no time like the present. Carpe Diem. Cliches aside, you really should start today. You know you should. Starting now will make it easier to stick to. Plus, starting now may save you years of crappy health down the road.....

BONUS EXCUSE! 

11. The hubs doesn't want to/can't go to the gym with me. So what? You've worked out without him before. You used to work out without him all the time. You're not 7 years old. Yes, it's dark and cold out but you do not need someone to hold your hand and walk you in. Be a big girl now so you're not a B-I-G girl later.

OK. OK. I have guilted myself into working out. Get off my back already...... :-)

Gotta Get Out of Vacation Mode

I'm back! From vacation at least. The hubby and I got back on Sunday from going on a cruise to the Bahamas with another couple. It's so hard to get back into the grind and off "vacation mode." I've been eating terribly since we got back because we haven't hit the grocery. We finally got back to the gym yesterday. Body Flow felt so good and I'm feeling a little sore (in the shoulders) today. I totally pigged out while on vacation but only gained 1-2 pounds so not too bad! With all the food available on the cruise, I'm shocked I didn't gain 5 pounds! Though food is available pretty much 24/7, we ate only 3 meals a day and kept the snacking to a minimum. I had brought a can of almonds and 2 bags of gummy bears with me - I finished the almonds and only one bag of gummies.

I had brought workout clothes and actually hit the gym (just once though) while on the cruise. It was SO hard to workout through because of the swaying of the boat. It was nearly impossible to keep my balance while lifting weights and running on the treadmill. I think I got about 6 minutes in on the treadmill before the swaying got to be too much and I felt sick.  I had a great time but am not sure if I would do another cruise (unless it's an Alaskan cruise).

The Bahamas was absolutely bea-u-ti-ful! The ocean was so clear and this perfect blue-green color. It was like a crayon! And the white sand made the beach look so clean. I would love to go back soon. The hubby and I both agreed that when we go back to the Bahamas, we will be in MUCH better shape. While I don't love the way I looked in a bathing suit, I was pretty happy that the bathing suits that were too small at the beginning of the summer fit well enough that I felt comfortable taking them. Woot. Here are some pictures - the first one from May - the beginning of this blog. The other two were taken this vacation. I don't have any pictures that were taken from the exact same angle but at the very least my stomach and face are a little leaner...If I keep at it, hopefully pictures from the next vacation that requires a bathing suit will have a me that I can barely recognize!

BTW, the hubby bought an XBOX Kinect (and Just Dance 3 and Dance Central games) on Black Friday and we tried it out the next day. Two songs into Just Dance 3, I was drenched in sweat. It was so much fun. It's gross outside now so I plan on playing tonight as my workout....Off I go! Got to lose 2 pounds just to get back on track....

Be Content & Thankful

Today's post will not really be fitness/weight loss related. In honor of Thanksgiving, I have decided to dedicate this post to being thankful, because gratitude is not something I express nearly as often as I should.

Friday is Black Friday - one of the best days of the year if you love to shop like me. I get off merely on the excitement, but I refuse to be one of those pushy and rude customers - I'm happy to wait my turn. This week I have been pondering what to buy, perusing the sales ads of my favorite places to shop on Black Friday (Target, Best Buy). This week, I came to the realization that there really isn't anything I NEED. I told the hubs that I was finally content with everything that I have that the need to buy stuff just for the sake of buying stuff wasn't all that important. He said "WOW! It only took 26 years..." haha.

I now believe that life isn't about having what you want, it's wanting what you have (I think Sheryl Crow has been singing this sentiment for years...). Now don't get me wrong. I will still be with the crazed shoppers at the Outlets on Thursday night, checking out everything the stores have to offer. I do want to buy some more workout pants and work shoes but I will not buy something just because I want to buy something. I will not be saddened if I leave the stores without bags and bags of stuff. And I am mentally preparing myself to put stuff back on the rack if I am at all unsure if I want it.

This new outlook also relates back to my weight loss journey in a way. I am becoming more confident in who I am and where I am. There are certainly days where I feel ugly and fat and completely unmotivated. But those days are dwindling in frequency. Most days I feel pretty happy with myself. Happy that I'm not where I was and happy that I will be in a better place in the future. There's no turning back for me. I am 18 lbs lighter than I was this time last year. There will always be someone prettier, smarter (not by much though :-P) and in better shape than I am. But on the flip side, there will always be people who feel how I used to feel about myself and life. There will always be someone richer who has things that I want. And there will always be people who want what I have, what money can't always buy: a mostly happy, albeit crazy, family, a forgetful but loving and understanding husband, real friends I can count on, a roof over my head, food on my table, clothes on my back, shoes on my feet, my health and sanity (most days) =)

I hope you all feel what I feel right now. If not, take solace in knowing that I was once where you are and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Wishing things were different will not do you any good. Neither will hating others for having what you want. Deciding to be happy is your choice - take it from me, the more often than not pessimist.

Forgive Yourself

I seriously NEED to forgive myself this week. I have been doing terrible at keeping motivated and eating right. The weather, much like myself, has been all over the place - it was warm, then rainy, then cold and windy. Ugh. Too many distractions and too many excuses. I have only fit in 3 workouts (so far) this week. Normally by now I've done 4-5. I do plan on hitting the gym today - I hope I have the willpower to follow through.

Last night I hit the gym. I stepped onto the treadmill and walked. The first 5 mins were fine. Then I started to run. PAIN! Ugh..I know I said I would do the elliptical until my leg felt better but I lied. I ran for two minutes and walked for then next 30 or so. Sigh. I did the elliptical for an hour on Wednesday but it was kind of boring. I guess I will just have to alternate between the elliptical and the stationary bike (which I hate because it hurts my butt). Those bikes are not made for people with short legs and the pads are not meant for people with butts. Ouch. I was feeling sorry for myself after the gym and on the way home I heard this on the radio:

So I felt a little bit better. This past weekend and week has been terrible for me but it can't completely undo all the hard work I've been doing for the past two months. So I've got to forgive myself and keep in mind that "two steps forward and one step back is still one step forward."

On a happy note, I'm excited to watching Breaking Dawn tonight. Nerd, you say? Yes! And damn proud of it! Happy weekend all!!

Weekend of Shame

I get the difference. But sometimes setbacks still make you feel like a failure. This past weekend was a setback. I had Popeyes for lunch on Friday. And not just a piece of chicken - 2 pieces of dark meat, fries, a biscuit and a Coke. It was so gloriously delicious. That night the hubs and I went to the gym around 10:30 because we stayed home to catch up on Fringe (great show btw) and didn't get home until after midnight. YAY for 24-hour gyms! We lifted weights - did the P90x shoulders and arms series - then ran on the treadmill. I did Day 2 of Week 4 of the Couch-to-5K training guide. I decided that I would try to do 3.1 miles - following the guide for the first two miles and then letting my body/lungs decided on how to handle the last 1.1 miles. My goal was to run it in 40 mins. I missed it by 15 seconds. Took me 40 mins and 15 seconds to run 3.1 miles. Kind of sad but glad I stuck to it instead of walking when my brain told me I couldn't run anymore. 

On Saturday we celebrated the hubs' and bro-in-law's bdays by playing poker at Charles Town, WV. I didn't do too bad - not great either. But because I had a Lasik consultation in the morning and then we headed to WV right after, I wasn't able to fit in a workout. By the time we had gotten home, around 11, I was to tired to hit the gym. And we had Wendy's for dinner! Delicious but certainly not nutritious.

Sunday wasn't any better. My fitness assessment was canceled on Thursday by the trainer and was rescheduled for Sunday. Jay and I were both supposed to do it. But he woke up with major ankle pain and the pain in my leg from running came back with a vengeance. We were both in a lot of pain on Sunday so we took it easy - "running" errands and I caught up on housework - vacuumed and did all the laundry. I even cooked so we'd have dinner for Monday night. I'm such a good wife. That night we went to Carrabba's for dinner with my fam to celebrate Jay's birthday. I got the seafood cannelloni - which is to DIE for. And I think I ate my weight in bread...AND had a cupcake! T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E!!! But I weighed myself this morning, scared of what the number would be, and it was pretty much the same as before the "weekend of shame".

Yesterday, we went to the gym and did the P90x chest and back series. I told Jay that I was afraid of bulking up so we picked 6 workouts and I had to do 4 sets of 15 reps of a lesser weight. I don't feel sore today but it was really tough to get through the 6 workouts. Then I tried the last day of Week 4 of the 5K training. I did ok...but I had to take a couple of pauses because of the pain in my leg / my tendinitis. Jay said I should probably stop running before I cause some damage but my fear is that as soon as I stop, I won't be able to pick it back up once I'm all better. Now that week 4 is done, I think I'll do the elliptical for the rest of the week until I feel good enough to start week 5. 

Centreville Lifetime is closed this week for renovations so we've been going to Gold's since we have our membership until the end of the month. Which means our two-a-days will be put on pause until next week. We were supposed to go to the gym today but Jay needs to renew his license (today is his birthday!!!) so I think we'll end up going straight to dinner once he's done. I'm not looking at it as a setback. I'm looking at it as a great way to relax with the hubby. I'll be back to the grind tomorrow and won't take any more "rest" days this week unless I break something. *Fingers crossed that doesn't happen!*

Pity Party

Haha. Someday, hopefully, I'll look graceful when I run. Like a gazelle. Anyway, I'm fairly unmotivated today. You would think that I'd have energy the day before a long weekend (I get Veteran's Day off) but nope! Even good music isn't working. Not entirely sure why. It's probably the weather; it's cold and rainy and generally gross. It could also be that I did not get a whole lot of sleep last night. The hubs and I did another back-to-back. We did Strike and hot yoga and didn't get home until after 10. By the time I showered and felt relaxed enough to sleep, it was already midnight. Maybe I can take a nap before the gym later.

Today I have my free "fitness assessment" at Lifetime. I'm a little bit scared and thought about rescheduling it but there's no point in delaying the inevitable. I might as well just do it, get it over with, and quit worrying about it. I want to talk to them about what I am (possibly) doing wrong. I have been consistently working out for at least an hour 4-5 days a week for about 4 weeks now and been eating fairly good too. But the number on the scale still fluctuates. Jay says I'm not working out enough to burn off what I'm eating but I've been counting calories. I've been trying to eat more fruits and veggies. Maybe I'm not eating enough? I know what the scale says doesn't take into account muscle and I've lost about half an inch from my waist over the last couple of weeks. But for some reason that's not all too comforting. Although today my "skinny" jeans that I bought when I first started losing weight fit better today. I think by Thanksgiving they should fit perfectly.

Sometimes it's totally discouraging. I read all these blogs/watch shows where people lose weight quickly by eating healthy, working out, cutting out soda, etc. I'm doing all these things and yet nothing seems to be working. Granted, they usually have a LOT more to lose than me - like 100 lbs more - but it's still frustrating. Oh well. I'm trying to look at it more as I need to get healthy vs. I need to get skinny.

I've heard that a lot of stress will make you keep the weight on. For those of you who don't know, I'm a completely high-strung stress ball. I'm seriously trying to calm the *eff* down and relax. I think that's why I'm starting to enjoy yoga so much. I feel at peace once class is over...even though during class I'm screaming obscenities in my head when the instructor holds a pose for too long. Hahaha.

Ok. My pity party is over. Time to be positive again :-) I'm so looking forward to this weekend. Spending time with friends, Harry Potter (YAY!), and poker. Woot!

You Are What You Eat

This is exactly how I feel most days. My favorite foods consist of anything deep fried and greasy. However, those desires are waning, little by little. Although I wouldn't mind a nice juicy burger from Shake Shack. *Drool* Ok, back to the healthy stuff. As you know, I have been logging my daily food intake through MyFitnessPal. It basically tells me that in order to lose a pound a week, I would need to consume only 1200 calories. If I work out, I get to eat whatever calories I burned. However, I don't think that 1200 calories is anywhere near where I should be. It has forced me to try to make better choices but I find myself hungry all the time. So I've decided that I should probably eat closer to 1500 calories to stay satisfied. Plus the hubs said that 1200 cals would make my body think it's "starving" and will probably hold onto the fat more. I think I learned that in Health 101 in college. So it's justification for my eating slightly more.

Yesterday the hubs and I did another round of hot yoga. This was a more "advanced" class so she went a lot faster. This meant a lot more sweat. And by a lot, I mean buckets full more. Gross. But by the end of class, my shirt was all stretched out and a totally different color than when we had arrived. It was awesome. Then we (I say we but I really mean me) decided to start week 4 of the Couch to 5K training schedule. This week's schedule consists of 16 minutes (broken up into 2-3 min and 2-5 min sections) of running and 10.5 minutes of walking, which includes the 5 minute warm up walk. I normally walk at 3.5 mph, sometimes 3.2 after the run to try to get my heart rate down. I normally run between 5.5-6 mph. Yesterday, I was able to do all 16 minutes at 5.5 and not feeling like dying. I wasn't running fast but I was so excited that I was able to do the 5 min run straight without having to slow down the speed or take a break. I did have to look down at the time and tell myself "OK, only three minutes. Only two minutes. Only one more minute." By the end of the run, I had a HUGE grin on my face. I guess the gradual training is really working on my endurance. Plus I got over 2 miles in under 30 minutes. Effing awesome (maybe not to you runners out there but pretty awesome for a couch potato like me!). I think if I hadn't done a whole 5 min warm up walk, I could have done 2.5 miles in 25 mins. I'm getting closer and closer to my goal of running the 5k in 30 minutes or less. Just like a pizza...mmmmm....pizza.

On a side (and somewhat random) note, as I have said before, our gym is 24 hours. So by the time we left, it was around 10:30 pm. What I don't get is that there are people who shower at the gym before going home. That late? Why not just shower at home? Isn't it more convenient? You could argue they're saving on their electric and water bill but wouldn't you like to rest your feet a little before hopping in the shower? Plus isn't it a pain to have to wear shower shoes and tote around your shower stuff? Also, there was a girl who was all dressed up and putting on makeup. At 10:30 on a Monday?! Where the heck are you going? And how do I get to live an exciting life like that? She must be in college or something. Needless to say, by the time we got home, the hubs and I were pretty ready to pass out. Oh to be 21 again...

Oh well. 26 is shaping up to be a great year :-) Get it, shaping up?! Teehee - off to the gym!

Doing Something Right

Or you could be doing something wrong...in my case, it's a little of both. My body is sore from doing Strictly Strength at the gym with the hubby yesterday. I hate lifting weights - partly because I tend to bulk up fast. But everyone says you need to do some sort of resistance training because building lean muscle helps burn more calories while at rest. That's the good sore. The bad sore is the pain I'm still getting in my leg when I run. The pain is worse in the right leg. However, the pain comes and goes so hopefully it's just strain from the cardio I now do that I never did before. I can now run for 3 straight minutes before I want to die. That's quite an accomplishment since I used to want to turn off the treadmill after 1 minute. I'm not running very fast but the speed will come once the endurance gets built. Progress is progress, even if it's slow.

I have been weighing myself consistently and I think I just need to put an end to that. It can really mess with your head. I tend to fluctuate up and down 2 pounds. My clothes aren't getting tighter so I'm chalking it up to building more muscle (muscle weighs more than fat for those of you who don't know) and water weight. I've been drinking a TON of water lately - I seem to always be thirsty. And hungry. I am trying to snack on the right foods but I find myself almost eating my lunch before lunchtime rolls around. I guess I should eat heavier breakfasts. Trainers and nutritionists say that eat oatmeal in the morning is great because it keeps you full and gives you energy. Well, they must be paid by Quaker Oats because it does none of that for me. I will eat one bowl of oatmeal (blech) and be hungry within 30 minutes. And energy? Lies!!! I need to find a more filling (and satisfying - taste wise) breakfast to keep me fueled throughout the day. I'm still learning how to balance my diet. Again, I eat fine throughout the week and then it blows up on the weekend. But I'm trying to not beat myself up about that. Yesterday, I had half a red velvet cupcake and about a third of a Caribou Coffee campfire mocha and I enjoyed every minute of it :-) Today, I don't reget it...not totally at least.

The hubs said he wants to start doing two-a-days by going to our gym at 5:30 am (our new gym is 24 hours). Our only problem is getting to sleep early enough to make getting up at 5 am doable. I'm the type of person that CANNOT function on less than 7-8 hours of sleep. Getting enough sleep is one way to lose weight. So if we want to be up by 5, we need to be asleep by 9. It is a very rare occurrence for me to be in bed by 9 - I have to be sick or not have gotten any sleep the night before. I guess we'll have to figure out a way to get to bed earlier. I don't know why going to bed early makes you feel like an old person. It's not like anything exciting happens after 9 during the week. At least, not in my life. We end up staying up to watch TV shows that we can easily DVR or watch on demand. Or we end up playing on the computer/internet until 11 or midnight. I went to sleep around 11 last night because I was finishing up some laundry and who knows what time the hubs went to sleep. I told him there was no way we were going to get up at 5. Just being realistic. But today, I'm sleepy....and trying to figure out how to get some energy without drinking caffeine...If anyone has any magic pills or spells I can use, let me know.

Looking Pretty

I guess I did something right because I looked a hot mess after the gym last night. I left red-faced, hair a mess and falling out of my ponytail, and dripping in sweat. Plus my tank top was so soaked with sweat it got all stretched out. Not pretty.

To say that I am exhausted today is an understatement. The hubs and I got our double workout in yesterday. Woot! One of my long term goals is to try a new exercise every month. I accomplished it last night...sort of. I haven't done kickboxing in over a year and I'm definitely rusty so I consider it a "new" exercise. Strike totally kicked out butts. I was already tired within the first 10 minutes of class. I forgot how incredibly challenging that class is. I know the hubs felt the same way. When class was over, he told me he didn't want to do hot yoga. He said he was going to "go run" but I knew that he wouldn't work as hard or as long. Hot yoga was 75 mins. But I was able to convince him to do yoga with me. It felt sooo good to get everything stretched out. The teacher was slower than I'm used to but it was nice since the room was so hot. Since we did back-to-back classes, we didn't get home until about 10 pm. The hubby hadn't eaten dinner beforehand, like I told him to, so he ate when we got home. I don't like eating late but was also hungry so I had some pita chips and hummus. YUM. I also let myself eat ONE chocolate covered macadamia nut - I ate in in 3 pieces to savor the flavor. To give you a better idea, they are about the size of 1.5 peanut M&Ms. I made myself drink a whole glass of water to keep from wanting more.

I took a 800 mg ibuprofen before bed last night because I was already feeling so sore! The soreness today is a lot worse but I brought my gym bag anyway. There aren't any classes that I want to take so I think I will just run on the treadmill. I am still training for the 5K. I have yet to finish week 3 - I think I'll do that today. Looks like an hour of cardio (treadmill and elliptical) is in my very near future. As long as I don't pass out from sleepiness first.......zzzzzzzzzz

Promise

This is more than just my November promise. This is a life promise to myself. 

It is so easy to eat well and stick to a workout plan during the week and then my plan falls to $h!t over the weekend. Here's the breakdown of the last few days.

Saturday: Crappy weather meant a lazy day spent in bed catching up on all our favorite shows. I didn't work out but tried to balance that with good food choices - a hearty breakfast, light lunch (shakeology) and pho for dinner. We had fried and fresh spring rolls as well...oops. Too good to pass up.

Sunday: We pretty much ate out all day on Sunday celebrating my mom's birthday. I was able to do 45 mins of cardio at the gym. I made all right choices and made sure not to pig out too much.

Monday: We signed up for a new gym. Well, sort of new as it was my old gym. Gold's wasn't cutting it anymore since they don't offer too many classes so the hubs and I went back to Lifetime Fitness. It costs 2x Gold's but I think it's worth it. Plus we aren't tied down to a contract since it's month to month so at least if we don't use it, we can cancel at any time. But we will use it! For signing up we got MYLT dollars that we are using for Team Fitness. Team Fitness is basically bootcamp light. It's for people who are trying to get in better shape. Because signing up took forever (we got there around 7 and didn't leave until about 8:30) and didn't eat before, we went straight to dinner and skipped the workout.

Tuesday: It was G-no's (my bro-in-law) birthday so we had dinner out. I ate fairly light but because dinner was late (didn't start until about 7:30) and was in the city, we didn't get home until after 10. Again, no workout.

So today, I plan on making up for the lack of working out the past couple of days. The hubby and I are trying to take Strike (a kickboxing class) and hot yoga at the gym tonight. A double - I hope we last! I took Strike once a week for about 10 months but haven't taken it in a year since Gold's didn't offer it. I'm hoping Strike invigorates us for yoga...

Today looks promising. Tomorrow looks even better!

Good Choices

Happy Friday and Happy Halloween to all! I'm not a huge fan of Halloween, especially this year since I will not be partaking in the candy-filled festivities (which, let's face it, is the BEST part of Halloween). I will try keep this short and sweet today.

Today I made good choices. A few people have told me to keep a food journal. I tried that at the beginning of the year and of course had to do it with Weight Watchers but I've had hard time sticking to it. But I know it's good to do so I'm trying it again. I'm going to really try to make it stick. Today I ate the things I wanted to eat, but really focused on portion control. This morning I just HAD to have a coffee so I went to Starbucks and got a skinny hazelnut latte (mmmmm) and a breakfast sandwich. For lunch, I had 2 slices of thin crust pizza. Having just 2 slices (of a 4 slice personal sized pizza) is a miracle. How did I do it?? I did what the experts tell you to do. I took off the extra grease. I ate slowly and enjoyed every bite. I added a side salad with balsamic vinaigrette. And I gave away the two last slices so I wouldn't tempt myself to eat the other two. I had a can of Coke Zero with it. Sorry folks, water just doesn't do it for me when eating pizza.  And when my co-worker came around with fun-size M&M bags, I thought to myself, "Don't eat it - save the calories for the yummy cupcake you made yesterday."And the cupcake was yummy. I ate just one and savored each bite.

Like I said yesterday, I knew I just had to go to the gym today. And the hubs and I did. At 9 pm, in the cold and rain. We did Day 1 of Week 3 of the Couch to 5K training. I am still getting the pain in my leg - which I know will take some time to go away - but I feel that my breathing is getting better. I didn't feel so winded this time. And that's a great feeling. While the hubs worked on his legs, I did another 30 mins on the elliptical. I loved every sweaty minute (sorry, didn't mean to gross you out).

The hubs and I will work out tomorrow morning. Probably just working out here at home. They're calling for a "wintry mix" here so we plan on staying home all day. I am looking forward to cuddling while finally catching up on all our TV shows. Can't wait for the DVR to be almost empty :-)

Hmm, ok, not so short but it was sweet. No bad feelings here!!!

Emotional Baking

2 posts in one day?! Wow - you guys are so incredibly lucky.

I'm in a better mood since earlier. I was feeling so down after work that I came directly home. I skipped my workout today. And you know what? I don't feel so bad about it. I think the enormous pressure I put on myself to lose the weight quickly by going to the gym everyday, even when I'm not mentally, physically, or emotionally prepared makes me feel like a prisoner. Today, I escaped my workout prison and it feels good. Good enough that I know I'll be back to it working out tomorrow. It's nice to refresh every now and then.

When I got home, I immediately put on my apron and got to work on making dinner for myself. I made chicken enchiladas with a sour cream sauce. It ain't no "Rio Grande" but it was delish enough for me (and pretty easy to make). After dinner, I decided to make some cupcakes. Well, truthfully, I decided to make cupcakes even before I left work today.

Lately, cooking and baking have been cathartic. I've come to really enjoy doing it. If you told me I would feel this way a year ago, I would have laughed in your face. I used to hate cooking. I think it was more the prep and the aftermath. I hated the chopping, measuring, and cleaning. And now, I find it quite relaxing. But only if I'm cooking for me and the hubs. If I have to cook for other people, I break into a cold sweat. I'm a strict recipe follower. Because my love of cooking and baking is so new, I'm not confident enough to start experimenting on my own. And when my food doesn't taste or look the way I want it to, I get disappointed. And I'm also a perfectionist, so having other people disappointed makes me even sadder.

But I digress. Back to the cupcakes. I have yet to eat one - but I will of course (just one!). I made light vanilla cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. I did tweak the frosting based on some of the reviews and added a lot less sugar than it called for. I wanted to make these rainbow cupcakes but I only had blue and green food coloring so I made "Mediterranean Sea" cupcakes since that's what the colors of the cupcakes remind me of. I think they turned out pretty. Here they are without frosting.

But let's face it, cupcakes without frosting are not complete. So I had to frost them. I bought a new frosting "gun" from Home Goods a little while ago and finally got to use it. And I found out, I am no cupcake artist. Sigh. Oh well, at least the frosting made it to the cupcakes! I guess I'll just need some practice. I ran out of frosting (I only made about half of the recipe) so two lucky (or unlucky depending on how you feel about frosting) people will get very pretty cupcakes.

Like I said in my last post, I will not let myself be an emotional eater any longer. But I think I am now an emotional baker. Some people paint, some people read, some people nap, others exercise but I bake. And when we get our own house, whenever that may be, maybe I'll craft too. The funny thing is, now that the baking is all finished and the overwhelming emotion I was feeling earlier has passed, I have no desire to eat the cupcakes...ok, well, maybe just one.

BTW, I am only 26. But this post makes me feel like I'm 26 going on 40.

I Used to be Fat

Let me preface this post by letting you know it's going to be an emotional one. And probably long. Sorry folks. Maybe it's this gloomy Forks-like weather we are having today.

I'm overweight. Duh, it's totally obvious. I'm not morbidly obese but I'm not where I want to be. The hubby and I were watching MTV's "I Used to be Fat" the other day. I like this show - maybe because I can relate with the teens going through the "getting un-fat" process. It's hard. It sucks. Results can come slowly. And sometimes (most times) it make you want to cry. But it was the trainer that episode who said something that really stuck with me. (I'm paraphrasing here...)

Trainer: Why is food such a comfort?

Mom: Because it's always there. For happy or sad occassions.

Trainer: If food is such a comfort, are you comfortable?

Mom: (who is overweight and with tears in her eyes) No.

I am emotional. I wear my emotions on my face (except when I play poker), my heart on my sleeve and have a very high EQ (look it up). So it's only natural that I am an emotional eater. I eat when I'm happy to celebrate. I eat when I'm sad to make me feel better. I eat when I'm bored because it's something to do. Food was a friend that was always there to help me through my problems. But the problem with emotional eating? The emotions don't go away after the food is gone. I'm still happy/sad/bored once my plate is empty. Sometimes, after my hunger was satiated, regret or shame or guilt joined the emotion party. Food was a "comfort" that made me completely uncomfortable with myself.

I have been reading Can You Stay for Dinner? and her weightloss journey. I love the way she writes, mainly because it's exactly how I think. She has such a wonderful way of writing how being fat growing up shaped her and how, even after losing 135 lbs, she is still the same "fat" girl she always has been. How getting to "skinny" wasn't any more freeing than fat was. How being skinny didn't help her in realizing her dreams anymore than being fat did. How being skinny wasn't the end all.

She made the point that you have to take it day by day. It does make the journey harder thinking, "I have to get there in x amount of time or I'll be a failure." Or "I can never eat x, y, z because I will never lose the weight that way." I need to learn portion control and in the long run, self control. If I want a piece of chocolate, I'll have one piece - just not the entire bar. I can have fast food and cupcakes, just not every week or month. Being healthy doesn't mean that I can't have the things I like to eat ever, for the rest of eternity. Day by day, food will no longer have the power I let it have over me. And the feeling of dread when thinking of working out will be gone.

It didn't take a day to put on. It will take more to take off. I don't want this journey to be about deprivation. I want it to be about finding myself. Finding what's right for me. Finding balance.

I just want to be healthy and happy. I want to (and will) look back and say, "Yeah, I used to be fat. But being "skinny" doesn't change me as a person. I'm still me. It just changed the way I look."

Waste Basket

This is something I should keep in mind when choosing my food. My head and my stomach are often at odds with each other. Last night after Body Flow, the hubs and I went to Chipotle (yes, again) for dinner. I had another chicken burrito - ugh, just can't say no to the tortilla! - and tried the brown rice this time. It was soooooo good. The hubs said he could taste a difference but personally I think it was all mental. Definitely doing the brown rice over the white rice going forward.

Anyone remember that scene in Clueless (one of the greatest movies of all time) where Cher talks to Dionne about going to gym class and then rattled off what she had eaten for the day? 

"I feel like such a heifer. I had 2 bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&Ms, and like 3 pieces of licorice."

Every time I think about what I have eaten for the day, I think of this scene. Especially since there is a little (almost empty) canister of peanut M&Ms sitting on my desk. Don't worry, the canister was never FULL of M&Ms. LOL. I told myself I would make good choices today...and so far I have done all right. I finally did my Shakeology this morning - 2 scoops of shakeology mix, a handful of ice, and a little over a cup of almond milk - for breakfast. It was surprisingly yummy. It kept me pretty full and alert for a while. I had a banana as a mid-morning snack. I had brought a TV dinner for lunch but it looked like it had gone bad. I really wanted to get a thin-crust pizza or hot dog for lunch but decided the sodium content was too high and not worth it since I'm already feeling super bloated. So I went to Chick-Fil-A for lunch and bought a chargrilled chicken wrap. My sister and friend Katie keep telling me that they're good but I never tried it because a cold wrap doesn't sound all too delicious. Well, I was wrong. It was pretty good - and filling because I only ended up eating half. I will eat the other half for dinner. I had a cup of green tea (one of my goals) and have been drinking a ton of water too. I did let myself have a bowl Pirate's Booty (a mix of 3 different kinds) because I am craving salty things. Pirate's Booty is fairly healthy so I figured this was OK. I also had 3 peanut M&Ms. My afternoon snack will be carrots and dip. But now I feel like someone doused my water with sleeping medication because I am so sleeply all of a sudden. I feel like I need caffeine. Maybe I can have a Diet Coke? I know, I know - cutting soda was one of my goals. Baby steps, my friends. Baby steps.

Sweat Is Fat Crying

I love that saying. But lately, my fat hasn't been crying all that much. Guess I've been too nice to it. I go through bouts of incredible motivation where I feel like NOTHING can stop me. And then once that starts to wane, I camp out at Unmotivated Ranch for a while. Today, I am so unmotivated - and bloated. If you are a woman, you will probably understand why. I think this week will be tough.

Last night I went to bed in my workout clothes. I figured, if I did this, I would be less likely to turn off my alarm and go back to sleep since I was already dressed. It worked. I got out of bed at 5:50 and went downstairs to do my TAM. I got through the MS (muscular structure) part which is the first 30 mins but couldn't get through any of the cardio. I think that's what's so hard about working out in the AM. My body is still cold so it's hard to get through it all, even though I turn on the space heater to get my body used to working. So instead of doing the DC (dance cardio), I went upstairs and cooked breakfast for me and the hubs. The hubs actually got up with me to work out (he did his p90x). We had 2 slices of bacon each, eggs, and I had a couple slices of toast. I needed fuel and at the time hard-boiled eggs and oatmeal did not sound good. I am going to the gym after work to do some running on the treadmill so I figured it was an OK substitute for my missed DC this morning. The hubs and I are also doing the Body Flow class. I'm looking forward to it - I need a GOOD stretch. 

On a separate note, I was reading an article yesterday on how to slim your calves. I have very large, muscular calves. I love that they're muscular but hate how bulky they are. And they bulk up quickly. When I get compliments on them, they are always from men who wish they had calves like mine. Not so much a compliment. And I can never wear cute knee high boots. So apparently, I have been doing all the wrong workouts. The article said:

1) Do not walk on the balls of your feet. I walk this way because I often get pain in the heels of my feet. 

2) Run. And run slower for longer distances with little resistance. I hate long distance running - but I'm trying to learn to like it. When on the elliptical, I up the resistance to make me feel like I'm working.

3) Avoid incline workouts. Eff. I do the "3x fat burner" exercise on the treadmill at the gym which basically consists of incline walking for 30 mins. 

4) Avoid high-impact jumping movements. I love jump roping. And TAM DC is pretty much 30 straight minutes of jumping around like an idiot. I can also do a ton of jumping jacks. Crap.

Sigh. Guess I'll need to find some new ways to get fit. Or just accept the fact that I will always have "calves like tree trunks".

Case of the Mondays

Monday again. Where does the time go? Had a super great weekend and as always, I am sad to see it end. I was unable to "Get the bleep out of bed" this morning to workout since the hubs and I went to bed around midnight. I was running late so I had no time to make my shakeology (I'm trying it out for 7 days). Looks like I'll workout after work and try the shakeology tomorrow. Instead I had a sausage-egg sandwich on wheat - probably a lot of cals but was yummy and I really wanted a hearty breakfast since I got too little sleep. I need the energy. Anyway, here's a weekend recap.

Saturday: The hubs and I went hiking with my friend Miogs at Great Falls. It wasn't an easy hike with all the rocks and tree roots along the trail, especially since they were covered with mud and leaves - making it a rather treacherous hike. We did the 4.48 mile hike in about 2 hours. Took a while but it was really great exercise. After the hike, the hubs and I ate Chipotle for lunch. I got a chicken burrito (the tortilla makes it a lot cals but it was soooo yummy) and Chipotle now offers brown rice. I didn't try it this time but will definitely next time. After lunch, we went outlet shopping for about 4 hours. Hehe! I couldn't find any workout clothes I really liked (bummer) but spent all my money on clothes for work and a beautiful, but totally unnecessary, Kate Spade bag. Hey, we only live once right? Needless to say, it felt really good to go home at the end of the day and put our feet up.

Sunday: Since I was hubby-less that day, I ate terribly at Fortune (Chinese dim-sum) with my family and had a mango boba afterwards. YUM. After lunch, I went to the mall with my sister and nieces. No workout clothes there either. Sigh. My sister said I have plenty of workout clothes (I have about 8 full outfits). I need more sports bras for sure but they do not make great ones for anyone over a B cup. Like the hubs said "having big boobs is not a bad problem to have"...unless you're looking for a supportive sports bra! After the mall I spent the rest of the day being a domestic housewife. I did all our laundry (woop!) and cooked a healthy dinner...that only I ate. The hubs brought food from his parents' house and ate that. Sigh. At least it was good and I brought some for lunch today. I will probably put this into dinner rotation since it requires little ingredients and is fairly healthy and tasty. 

Back to the workout grind today.

WebMD Is Not Doctor

They always tell you to never google your symptoms because your symptoms could be a result of a myriad of  things. But today my right ankle and leg hurt still so I WebMD'd "ankle pain" and tried to not jump to any conclusions. I know it's definitely not broken and not a result of a terminal illness so I think I might have a slight ankle strain or tendonitis. There isn't swelling (that I can see at least) or bruising so it's probably just a side effect of all the extra cardio I have been doing lately. It also could be because when we ran the other day, I wore my old Brooks and they were probably too worn out to give much ankle support and I could have possibly put too much pressure on my ankle. Guess I should have worried more about how running in old shoes would affect my body and less about my nice, new(er) shoes getting ruined from the rain. Lesson learned. 

WebMD did offer some ways to avoid ankle injuries:

- "Avoid exercising or playing sports when you are tired or in pain." Sound advice.

- "Exercise every day." Hmm...even if I am in pain or tired?

- "Try to avoid falling." Oh, I should AVOID falling. Ok, got to remember that...

- "Run on flat surfaces." But the Earth is round, not flat. I think Christopher Columbus taught us that.

Anyway, looks like today I will need to RICE my ankle - Rest, Ice, Compress (wrap) and Elevate. I guess today is an obligatory rest day. Boo :-( Maybe I'll RICE it after I stretch it out at the mall........I should probably get a second pair of running shoes* anyway! :-)

*I do have a second pair of running shoes - Nike AirMax 2011 - but I use them for my TAM DC. Because I do the DC at home in the basement, they are strickly my "indoor" shoes. So I need a second pair of outdoor running shoes :-)

UPDATE:  After work, the hubs and I went to Potomac River Running in Reston. I love specialty running stores. Let me tell you - Meghan, the store manager knew her ish. She said I had tendonitis and that she has the same problem often. I felt like she knew my issues before me even telling her! Instead of pushing me to get a new shoe, she suggested I buy a pair of insoles that have a 60-day guarantee. If I don't like them, I can return them (even if I have run them into the ground) within 60 days. She watched me run on the treadmill and told me that my running form was fine but I had a little wobble in my foot. She said over-pronating was totally normal for people who are just getting into running since my legs are not that strong yet. I am still experiencing pain and did not do any running this weekend (but did a TON of walking). She said it took her like 3 weeks for the pain to subside. 3 WEEKS?! I don't have three weeks! So looks like I'll need to hit up Target and get more Aspercreme and Advil :-)

Get the *bleep* out of BED!

This is exactly what I need to do every morning. So last night I made myself a copy of this and taped it onto the ceiling above my side of the bed. I asked the hubs if he wanted one too and he promptly said "no". Lazy ass....Anyway, it worked. This morning, my alarm went off at 5:30 am. I snoozed (oops) and got up at 5:50 - still better than my normal wake up time of 7:20. I got dressed and went downstairs and did my entire TAM workout! I even did the DC - yay me! However, I had to step-touch through all of the moves due to extreme pain in my leg (seriously - this is not an excuse). I always read on the TAM FB page that step-touching the moves will still make you sweat and I never believed them, until this morning. I had so much energy this morning from the workout but still stopped at Starbucks for a Tall Skinny Hazelnut Latte before work because I really wanted one. YUM. The energy has pretty much lasted all day so I think this whole "workout in the morning" routine may stick. 

My food intake has been pretty good today. While I rested my feet after my workout, I made hard-boiled eggs for breakfast. My snack was a banana. I had a side salad and half a chicken salad sandwich for lunch. Not the greatest nutritionally but wanted this so much. To keep me from eating the whole sandwich, I gave half to Joyce (my co-worker) - such a good idea. Half a sandwich is more than enough but I always end up eating the whole thing because I don't want to waste half a sandwich! I drank about 1/4 of my diet coke before chucking it. My afternoon snack was a slice of white whole wheat bread with some organic PB. And how much water are you supposed to consume a day? 8-8 oz glasses? 8-10 oz glasses? 6-8oz glasses? Well either way I think I hit it. I'm on my 5th-16 oz cup of water, not including the water I had after my workout. Woot.

Yesterday the hubs and I did our day 2 of week 2 of the Couch-to-5k training. It was raining yesterday when we both got home from work. I've always wanted to run in the rain - so we did! We probably will not do it again, unless it's just misting. It was invigorating but made it a little hard to run. I kept feeling like I might fall but at the same time I felt like quite the bad-ass for running in the rain. We started with our 5 minute brisk walk then began our run. Guess I did not stretch enough because a few paces in I was getting a shooting pain in my leg. But I kept telling myself "no excuses" so I ran/walked through it. But a mile in, the pain was excruciating. While Jay continued to run, I had to walk it out. By the end of the quarter of the second mile, I felt like I could barely walk. My legs were shaking and I had to hold onto something to keep myself from falling over. We went home after that - which was perfect timing because it was getting super dark and the raining started to come down harder. I took an 800 mg ibuprofen (a regular dose is between 200-400 mg), put Aspercreme all over my legs, and put my feet up. This morning my legs were a lot less stiff than normal. Guess that stuff really works! There's no swelling or bruising but I feel like I should see a doctor for this pain - it's become more frequent.

No pain, no gain. 

Every DAMN Day

This has got to be my new motto. It's a dreary day here in VA and when it's this depressing out I want to do one of two things: 1) get in my pajamas, get under the covers and never leave or 2) shop shop shop. Today, I will be doing neither. I resisted the temptation of online shopping. I did ask the hubs to go to the outlets today because I want to look for workout clothes. He agreed...then I got to thinking. Crap, how will I fit in a workout? This is how out text convo went:

Me: Want to go to the outlets?
Hubs: Not really. But we can go if we run first.

Me: Ok! Or we can run around the outlets.

Hubs: Ha.

Me (20 minutes later): Nevermind. Let's just workout.

Hubs: Why?

Me: Cuz if we go shopping, I won't workout. I already know.

Hubs: Good Call.

I am kind of proud of myself for deciding to not go shopping because I do know that a workout will not be "fit" in. Every time we make a plan to workout after we do something, we always get too tired/lazy to actually hit the gym. That cycle ends today :-)

Today is Day 2 of Week 2 of the Couch-to-5K training. Since it's not raining (at this very moment at least), I will ask the hubs to run on the track instead of hitting the gym to run. I need to get used running outside and in the cold. Running on the treadmill is always so much easier for me...and it's extremely boring and unmotivating. I also plan on doing my TAM as soon as I get home. I hope to get some of the Dance Cardio (DC) in today since I haven't really done any since I restarted TAM but figured my 5k training can maybe take place of the DC.

Yesterday was a fairly good workout day. I did my TAM (no DC as I previously stated) but then did an hour of Body Flow at the gym. I LOVE this class - a mix of tai chi, yoga, and pilates. I work up a sweat, stretch out all my soreness, and feel so incredibly relaxed when class is over. Plus I kind of like the music that the instructor chooses. I do really need to work on my eating habits though. I am trying to incorporate a side salad with every lunch and eat one banana everyday. I drink a ton of water and have been cutting back on coffee and soda. I need to figure out how to get more fruits and veggies in my diet. Blech.

Starting Over

The picture above is my inspiration. I started this journey in June and was doing great...up until about a month ago. I took a break because I was feeling sick, was busy with work, and then went on vacation - I know, EXCUSES. A month of inactivity and not making the right food choices lead to a 4 pound weight gain. I'm still down a total of 15 pounds since the beginning of the year. That's something I'm proud of. I have about 30 more pounds I want to  lose - and I will lose it.

I had started doing TAM (Tracy Anderson Method) and Weight Watchers. I was doing great on TAM until the month of neglect so I had to completely restart the method. A little discouraging since I was already on level 6. I tried picking back up where I left off but my body wasn't strong enough so I made the tough - and wise - decision to start over. I forgot how completely tiring the first level is! Oh well, I got through it once - and I will get through it again. Only this time, I will finish. As for WW, I found it too hard to do by myself. I have a deal with the hubs - if we are both still really overweight by the new year, we will join together. Obviously I hope we don't have to join up in January but it would be nice to have someone else to share the experience with.

So this time around, I'm SERIOUSLY keeping myself accountable. I printed monthly calendars where I track my workouts. They say that it's 80% what you eat and 20% working out - crap. Jay got me a mixer for my birthday so I have been itching to make delicious baked goods. I still will - I will just have to keep myself to eating one and have him bring the rest to work so they're not in the house to tempt me. I have decided to run a 5k in January and am registering for it this week. I found a Couch-to-5K running plan and have been following it. It has you run three times a week for 9 weeks. The goal is to be able to run for 30 minutes straight by the end of it. I'm on week 2. I'm actually liking it - running outside is nice but it's starting to get cold so it's time to start looking for light workout gear that will still keep me warm.

Under Armour outlet here I come...

Starting My Journey...

This blog/post may start by being a little self-depricating but I promise my side-splitting humor will start to creep in slowly but surely... =)

I was never destined to be skinny. I was not naturally athletic and always leaned towards a chubby physique. I was "soft" at best. There were too many factors, growing up, that would keep me from attaining the body I wanted. Asthma and allergies prevented me from being outside for too long. My paranoid parents were too strict to actually let me be outside anyway, for fear of my being snatched and ending up on the 10 o'clock news. They worked a lot and it was up to me to feed myself during my pivotal growth years. I was that kid in the Pediasure commercial - anything green or good for me? Forget it! I chose activities that required more brain than brawn. I flexed my mental muscles on a daily basis while I let my physical muscles atrophy.

Through high school and college I managed to stay in the "healthy" weight range for my height (which is short). Then I was thrust into the "Real World," and not the 7 strangers picked to live in an awesome pad and do nothing but drink and party kind of real world. I got a job where I was paid to sit in front of a computer day in and day out. Add in the constant eating out, snacks, and happy hours - as I'm sure you can figure out, my figure suffered. Then my parents decided to get divorced. That was the real catalyst for the predicament I'm currently in. I am an emotional eater, and I don't handle my emotions well. When my now husband proposed, I decided here's my chance. I HAVE to lose weight for the wedding. And I did. I lost about 15 lbs...but all for naught since I have since gained them all back (we only got married a year ago!) plus a few more.

I am finally truly, deeply sick of what I look like, what size clothes I currently wear, and how I feel about myself. I have decided to take a journey to the past and get back the happiness and confidence I have lost along the way. How am I going to do it you ask? Well, I am finally going to learn to eat properly and exercise regularly. I have had an aversion to hard work when it comes to improving myself but no more excuses. I am going to try to let go of all the unnecessary stress I allow myself to worry about. But most importantly, I am going to try to learn to love myself just as I am. I want to let myself, not my weight, go.

Here I am in the obligatory "before" picture. This pic was taken a couple of weeks ago while my family and I were on vacation in England. Hopefully this picture will soon just be something for me to laugh at...instead of something to be completely mortified about.